JOURNAL ENTRY 1

There has to be a difference between Blog Entries, and Journal Entries, so this - is Journal Entry 1. For a look at the blog entry, click here.

I didn't get much sleep last night, I spent an hour at the gym, and another 2 hours helping a good friend paint her third floor apartment afterward. That put me home after 10pm, and of course - I couldn't wait a single minute without finishing up Top Chef and American Idol (both recorded). So, at about midnight I finally cut the television off, and to sleep I went shortly after.

For the past two nights, I've gotten more than 7 hours of sleep, even as much as 10 hours on Monday night. I've read in many places about the benefit of sleep in dieting, and how crucial it is to success - along with low to no stress.

Stress is not something I can easily get rid of, for several reasons - but I do have to say that last night was much more stressful than others this week. That, combined with the lack of sleep has to be part of why my loss wasn't as dramatic as I had hoped. Not that I should be disappointed in losing 8.2 pounds in just a matter of 3 days, but I did wish that scale to be below 242 this morning, even if only 241.

Lunch today was disgusting. Very - disgusting. I had to literally choke it down. Chicken Breast - dry, non-seasoned, DRY chicken breast. And lots of it! But, I did treat myself to a cup of Sugar Free Jello, which is said to be Carbohydrate free - except, I'm questioning that. It does have aspertame in it - of course, it needs an artificial sugar. But there are quite a few studies that suggest that aspartame does contain a moderate amount of carbs, more than are listed on the packages we see in the stores, not to mention the severe health risks of phenelykenurics. (spelling?)

I'm drinking my water, I'm not flavoring my tea or coffee with anything (ANYTHING) and I've stayed strong through my many walks down the chocolate walls of the grocery store! DAMNED VALENTINES DAY! Tonight I'm back to normal - back to the gym. It had been my goal to eat every night before 7, and tonight might be the night that I skip dinner all together. I'm not sure when I'll be done at the gym, and I'm not sabotaging. To sleep will be the only place I go once I get home!

The plan to lose 51 pounds in 36 days is adventurous, it's crazy actually - but it could happen. Would I be upset if at the end of 36 days I'm not at 199? No, so long as I was somewhere on track, and hadn't fallen back off and slid back up the scales to 250+!

I vowed a few days ago to never see 250 again, now that I am leaving it. The same will go for 240, 230, and 220. Fluctuating between 200-215 is ok for me. I look great at that weight, as evidenced by pictures I have around - so I think that I can stick to that, and be happy, healthy, and responsible with my eating without being so strict. Unfortunately - at this point, I have to stay on this plan!

I had a friend (male) who had gained quite a bit of weight. An older gentleman, 41-ish at the time, he decided that he was going to do Atkins until he lost 61 pounds, and fell below the 200 mark. I'm not sure what he did, but he did it - and he did it pretty quickly (within 3-4 months). He didn't deprive himself nearly as much as I am, but he had one thing working in his favor that I don't, nor will I ever have: MUSCLE MEMORY! You see, my friend was a body builder in his youth, and even though you could tell his body had put on several pounds of fat, he still had a build that kept him from looking like a short-fat-dumpling. I'm tall(6'2), and very broad, so I carry my weight well too, but I don't have a lot of muscle that will rebound once I start working it. No, in fact, I have a lot of undefined muscles that I'm working constantly without a lot of visual change due to the fat. I look great in clothes, awful when I'm not - and for my friend, it was the opposite. Til' he lost the 61 pounds! Then it was great on both accounts.

So I'm channelling his strength, his will power - what it must have been like to see that scale roll down from 200 to 199. I've seen it before - and it brought me so much joy, so much triumphant joy. I want, no NEED, to feel that again.

So - goals, right? We all need goals to help get us to our happy place - and I am not without them. The goals are as follows:

1. By March 16th, but no later than April 1, to weight less than 200lbs, and to continue a weight within 199 - 215 for the remainder of my life.
2. For Summer 2009, to fit into a size 34-waist dress pant, and dress short, and a 32-waist jean. I know, for some reason, probably my extended torso and wider hips, jeans fit me differently than dress pants.
3. By April 1, but no later than August 11, to feel comfortable wearing a t-shirt. (This is a special challenge for me - and will require working out to build upper body muscle mass.)
4. By May 2009, but no later than June of 2009, to have parted with all of my 38- and 36-inch waist pants and shorts. No need to keep them around - I'll never be going back into them!

And of course, you need rewards for those MET goals, right? So, the rewards are as follows:

1. If you complete goal 1 (above), no later than April 1, then you should treat yourself to a day at the spa, complete with massage treatments, pedicure, and facial! (I know - I'm a guy, but I love my spa treatments, and I'm gay - so there isn't anything you can say about me that I haven't already heard!)
2. If you complete goal 2 (above), no later than May 15, then you should treat yourself to a day of shopping for new shorts and pants, a total of $300!
3. If you complete goal 3 (above), no later than August 11, then you should treat yourself to another day of shopping for new t-shirts, and tank tops, a total of $200!
4. If you complete goal 4 (above), no later than June 2009, and you give all of your old "FAT" clothes to charity, then you should take a trip with your new clothes, no later than October of 2009 to a beach or waterfront destination so that you can show off a NEW BATHING SUIT!

Ah, yes - it feels good to even think about showing off in a bathing suit, and not cower under big t-shirts and linen pants. Yes, I can do this! Yes, I WILL do this! Yes, I WILL!