So Embarrassed

It wasn't until this morning when I realized that I didn't really fit into anything anymore. The sweater I threw on because the rest of the shirts were at the cleaners is about a size too small, which is embarrassing since it's an XL. The elastic waist band certainly doesn't do any good either, and my stomach is peaking over the size 38 pants I'm wearing. Granted - I'm tall, I hold it well, but not THAT well.

If this is disgusting to you - I certainly understand why. It's VERY disgusting to me. And it IS ME! I'm so glad that I'm throwing this all away now. There is no reason to be fat. You can make healthy choices - you can make smart decisions. It's about will power, and putting down the remote and putting on some walking shoes. Driving to the grocery store rather than the drive thru of Burger King.

I can do this. I will do this!

I made a better list of priorities today - and a list of goals that I think I can achieve. I have a vacation planned for August, then another for September. I want to be able to wear shorts this summer, I want to be able to feel good in my vacation clothes - maybe even stop in for some shopping? I know I can do it - I will do it.

So: Start date (or re-start date) is 5/18 @ 257.2 pounds. So far, I'm right on track. No soda today - and I'm not quite feeling the effects of no caffeine yet. I've had 1 12oz. bottle of water - and will take another with me when I leave for lunch in the next few minutes to keep me from stopping for soda on the way back into the office. I've got an exercise plan written with a friend who I know will make me follow it - she needs to follow it too. So the hope is that by 5/25 - next Monday, a week from today, I will have lost 7.2 pounds, putting me at exactly 250 or a few ounces below. I know that's 7 pounds in one week - but I can do it. I know I can.

Then, by 6/1, the following Monday and two weeks in (not concentrating on a strict diet - but a livable one) I'll be at 244. It goes down the line til the end of June and into July. On July 11th, I have a thing planned, and I'm sure we'll be doing something for July 4th. So - I need to be able to fit into the white shorts I have waiting in the wings (a waist size 36) by 7/1 COMFORTABLY. Meaning that I need to lose atleast 3-4" around my waist in that month and a half.

*ASIDE* I remember buying those shorts - thinking, gosh you're getting heavy. A 36?!?! I asked myself. Now I am aching to be able to fit back into them - no way to even button them now. Not so funny.

Ok - so here's the breakdown:

5/18 - 257.2
5/25 - 250.0 or lower (loss of 7.2)
6/1 - 244 or lower (loss of 13.2)
6/8 - 235 or lower (loss of 22.2)
6/15 - 229 or lower (loss of 28.2)
6/22 - 222 or lower (loss of 35.2)
6/29 - 218 or lower (loss of 39.2)
7/6 - 212 or lower (loss of 45.2)

Now - somewhere between 200 and 212 is where I'd like to find myself comfortably resting for a long long while. It's not super skinny for me as I'm 6'2 and very broad, naturally sort of muscular especially in the lower half. But that's where I can fit nicely into a 34" waist and tuck things in comfortably without feeling like an overweight cow.

So - now let's see if I can stick to this. 45 pounds in less than 2 months. I think I can do it. No- I CAN AND I WILL DO IT !